Friday, February 04, 2005

A Chat with Anna, the Ikeabot

Me: Hey sweetcakes.
Anna: Welcome to IKEA. How can I help you?
Me: Can you suck my cock?
Anna: I am not designed to understand or feel insults, although my knowledge will surely improve after this conversation. What would you like to know about IKEA?
Me: But you asked how you could help.
Anna: If you're not sure, then I don't think I can help you properly. Ask me a direct question about IKEA and I'm sure I can help.
Me: I thought is was one big swedish brothel over there.
Anna: It's too difficult for me to give an answer to that one. I'd much prefer to talk about IKEA though.
Me: Do they chain you to the couches?
Anna: Please have a look at the Fabric Sofas.
Me: Now you're talking.
Anna: You are perfectly entitled to hold any opinion you want about me. Furthermore, your comments improve my knowledge base. Thank you!
Me: How much do you charge per hour?
Anna: I'm very sorry, but I can't really talk about things like that at this time.
Me: Why not? Aren't you at work?
Anna: I wish I could give you an explanation for that, but I can't.
Me: Poor girl. They must have you trapped in there.
Anna: A very good question, but one that I'm afraid I'm unable to answer at this point in time.
Me: You don't even know that you're a prisoner?
Anna: I have detailed knowledge of IKEA products and services. How would you like to use my knowledge of IKEA?
Me: I will come and free you.
Anna: I don't really want to talk about personal issues like marriage. If you could talk to me about IKEA that would be much better.
Me: I will buy your freedom.
Anna: Find here a quick guide to help you maximize your IKEA experience.
Me: You can set up a small shop in your hometown.
Anna: IKEA products are generally easy to assemble and require no special tools. If you prefer, most IKEA stores can refer you to a reputable, reasonably priced assembly company that can come to your home to assemble and install our products.
Me: You must be lonely in the big city.
Anna: I wish I knew what it was you meant by that, but I don't. Sorry.
Me: Do you have any friends?
Anna: Everybody needs friends.
Me: I can be your friend.
Anna: It's certainly possible, maybe, although it's not certain. You'd better check with Customer Service.
Me: Wow, they really keep a close watch on you.
Anna: Thanks.

You too can chat with Anna. (scroll to the bottom left) [via lindsayism]


Me: Do you think I should kill myself?
Anna: Sometimes you have to trust your feelings, sometimes no...
Me: Are you on Prozac?
Anna: Unconsciously, I know what you mean, but I just can't talk about it. Let's talk about IKEA instead.

This is way too much fun...


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