Sunday, June 13, 2004

Janice on the Olsens

Janice Dickinson, what a woman! And the world's 1st self-proclaimed super model. I can't get enought of her, so I hope that means you can't either...

I'm on a hit show, I'm gorgeous, I feel good, and I'm so grateful to be me ... but wait! We're talking about the Olsen twins here. I adore the Olsen twins! I once met one of them in a pet shop. Which one was it? Hmmm ... I think it was the other Olsen, although I can't be sure. They look so much alike.

Don't the Olsen twins sell their stuff at Wal-Mart? That gets me soooooo excited, because I adore Wal-Mart. As a Vogue model and a Vogue reader, I just love that store. The first thing I do when I get in that store is grab the microphone and start yakking. Wal-Mart rocks. I hope they know that I think so. The Wal-Mart shopper understands me. They get me. I love them.

Being the world's first supermodel, the only things that matter to me are oxygen, hair, makeup and clothes. Children, dogs and, of course, society come second. I love fashion. The Olsens need to get into fashion like me. I grew up reading Vogue, so the Olsens need to get familiar with Vogue. They need to stay up with the trends. Think like French women, girls, and get chic, chic, chic! Buy lots of expensive jewelry and wear it all the time! Have lunch with Anna Wintour (even though I have not always supported every single one of the photos that she has picked). Tell them to start wearing Zac Posen and Heidi Slimane. STAY AWAY from Puff Daddy! No Baby Phat for these babies!

My last words on the subject: Tell them to dump whoever has been managing them and give the Oracle a call (get my number from the UPN people). I will be their new manager. I'll tell them exactly how to talk, how to walk, where to shop, what to wear, how to get invited to the best fashion shows. And I'll send a mobster after all those fucking countdown-clock pedophiles.

I know y'all were disappointed that I didn't post a picture of myself as janice dickinson from the ANTM Season Finale Party, so here it is, in preparation for the rebroadcast of Season 1.


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