christmas time is here--or is it?

well, happy newtonmas to all. upon my return home to atlanta, i have been struggling to channel the christmas spirit (without going to church). for some reason, despite the snow, trips to the mall, and requisite christmas tree, i am failing to feel anything magical this holiday season. even the "happy holidays" greetings of the mall employees seem lackluster. what happened to the fuzzy holiday moments of seeing santa, putting out cookies and singing in the choir? maybe it's because my dad hasn't played a single christmas cd, or maybe because i have watched my mom purchase everything she's giving me tomorrow, but i'm just not feeling that personal connection to the season of giving. all of our preparations feel perfunctory, obligated, every meal is presented as a burden. maybe we are getting too old to make our time together feel special.

the last time i felt this way about a holiday was thanksgiving, circa 1992. after years of deteriorating family efforts to celebrate the true meaning of thanksgiving, i suggested a revival: a drive up to the mountains and thanksgiving dinner at one of those family-style restraunts, followed by a short hike to take in the beautiful fall foilage. complete disaster. we had to wait forever to eat, my brothers complained, and my dad insisted that we do the "family christmas photo" during our hike in the woods. this time i think i will leave the resurrection of cristmas up to one of my family members.